Page Thirty-Four: Lousy Compensation

Eventually I asked you to pay me for management. You explained that the rule that I manage myself daily and all of the other aggravating rules were my compensation. That sounded like lousy compensation to me and I told you so. You laughed at me.


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Page Thirty-Five: If You Don't Stop Firing Me I'll Quit

In the event that you were displeased with me you usually didn’t explain that calmly. Typically you would tell me to, “Go look for a new job!”

One day I scheduled a meeting with you. I explained that if you did not, “stop firing me I would quit.”

I asked you to, “please stop” because I “didn’t want to quit.”

You did not stop and I did not quit.

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Page Thirty-Six: New Office Rule

Somewhere along the way the staff in the satellite office made a rule that it was, “a bad idea to make me mad.”

I found that curious since I had by then figured out that my getting mad was also against the rules. I could get as mad as I wanted to at you, but that was all. Getting angry with team members was not allowed under any circumstances. You would become furious.

The assumption that it was a bad idea to make me angry was made because I didn’t get angry. I see it now. It’s also keeping control through leadership. You never wasted your time or mine with a simplified rewrite of Fayol. I see why.

Nightmares and flashbacks are no fun. I’m angry now. But I’m ahead of myself.


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Page Thirty-Seven: Fix it Now!

In early fall the inevitable happened. I forgot to manage myself. You said, “Are you doing it?”

I froze and fell silent. That is the only time that I thought that you might actually fire me. Instead you said, “Fix it now!”

I did not forget again.
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Page Thirty-Eight: I Don’t Want To Manage For Free Anymore

One day I informed you that I would no longer manage for free. You put your head in your hands and said, “But Cobra, it’s the only skill you need.”

You seemed so distraught about it that I decided to continue managing for free. 
 
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Page Thirty-Nine:I Don’t Want to Manage Myself Anymore

One day I decided that I did not feel like managing myself anymore and informed you of this. You informed me that I would no longer have a job. I explained that I considered this, “unfair” because no one else had to, “manage themselves to keep a position.”

I added that I had never been managed in the way that you taught me to manage others and thought that it might be, “fun.”

You informed me of the rule that I, “do that for other people” but “no one dose that for” me “ever.”

You also explained that my ability to manage myself is what made our relationship, “special.”

You added that if I stopped managing myself then our relationship would no longer be, “special.”

Indecently, Drucker’s definition of management is a, “practice and creative process.”

I did not remember that conversation in the summer that we had our falling out, otherwise I would have made different decisions. I’m sorry. 

I hope that you will forgive someday and practice again.

                               Page Fourty: Why Do You Manage Yourself?

One day you asked me why I managed myself. I said, “Because you will fire me if I don’t.”

You said, “Why else?”

I said, “I don’t know.”

You instructed me to, “think about it.”

Unfortunately, I neglected to do so.

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To Be Continued...