Following is an excerpt from Manage and Speak. The complete chapters are on separate pages. Feedback is welcome and thank you for visiting!

Problem with the New Job

You did not hire me. Your manager did. To say that the interview was easy is an understatement. He overheard me asking an affiliate a few intelligent questions. Then he introduced himself and said, “Do you want the job?”

When I agreed he said, “The owner of the company can be a little scary but most of his employees like him once they get to know him.”

I was working out of the satellite office. One day I walked into the main office and you were there. I did not find you scary. You followed me across the office and stood about three inches away from me when you said, “Do you work for me now?”

I replied “yes” and walked away brusquely. 

Once safely out of earshot, I pulled out my phone and called a female friend of mine. I explained that I had found a, “problem with the new job.”

I quantified the problem as, “I am attracted to the boss and I think that he is attracted to me too.”  

She gave me a cliché piece of advice. I agreed with her and resolved to avoid you.  

Your Bad Personality 

In your own words you have a, “bad personality.”

You have an interesting way of communicating about this. You manage to somehow divorce yourself from it. It is as if there is poor innocent you and a bad personality has simply attached it’s self to you. Try as you might, you cannot rid yourself of it...

“No One Manage Alex”

I could not avoid you entirely because, let’s face it, you owned the place. Shortly after our initial brief encounter you decided to explain to me how the office ran. You did this with everyone and routinely did it yourself rather than delegating it.

I don’t like being told what to do. This is true of most people but it is likely a touch pronounced for me. It bothers me. I had been warned of your temper but had not seen it.

I wasn’t afraid of it at all, merely curious about it.

I waited for an opportune moment to make an extremely snide and sarcastic comment. When I did the office fell silent. You and I locked gazes.

We remained that way for an indefinite period of time. Seconds? A full minute? More?

I don’t know. But I didn’t look away. Finally, you laughed.

The office looked confused. I felt that I had won. And still do actually.

Then you made a rule that “no one manage Alex.”

And, that I report directly to you.  

Baby Turtles

One night I was innocently getting my car washed and a woman approached me. She asked me if I wanted to buy a watch and I said no. She asked me if I wanted to buy a scarf and I said no. Then she produced two baby turtles. I thought about saying no but one of them blinked at me. I knew that my cat would consider them dinner. Before agreeing to purchase them I called you and asked your permission to keep them in the office. You said, “No F’ing way! You aren’t responsible enough for turtles!”

You considered me responsible enough for management but not for turtles. Obviously, you were confused about the level of responsibility required for turtle care.Of course I got the turtles. You routinely watered your plants around seven or eight. They were the office plants but you loved them. I left the baby turtles under a palm tree so they could blink at you. I called you around eight thirty. 

Without my even addressing the topic you said, “They are very cute. You can keep them. You had better put them in an aquarium first thing tomorrow morning so that they don’t die.”

They made me extremely happy. They lived in the office window and got a lot of attention. A client once told me that, “Turtles bring good luck.”